I am a daughter, I am a mother, and one day I may be a grandmother. I grew up carefully watching my own mothers example of how she lived her life. I watched how she carefully spoke to me and others with respect and care. I watched how she treated others with the highest regard and I saw how selfless and giving she was and the joy that her service brought to her. I didn’t appreciate it as a child because it was all I knew. To me this was the standard of all Mothers because it is what I saw and what I emulated. I did not recognize the greatness that I was fortunate enough to call my Mother, until I became an adult.
Being a mother of two wonderful daughters, I gaze at them and I feel so blessed to be their mother. The experience, at times saddens me, because they are living in a very difficult time and complex time. The pressures and the excess is far from my small upbringing. I see the struggle of mothers wanting to connect with their daughters by being girlfriends, looking away at damaging behavior and partaking in activities just to be “in” with them. I see many Mothers looking more like teenagers and many daughters looking more like 30 year olds and somehow it’s all becoming normal. I feel for all involved, but most of all for the young girls who are lacking in living with a role model.
I have come to realize after 18 years of mothering, that words are cheap. They are powerful and beautiful and important, but if they are not lived consistently, they are just a bunch of hot air. I hear myself quite often, and surely others, “parenting” their kids. Creating strict rules and punishments, if not obeyed, but are we living by those standards ? Are we living what we expect of our children?
When we choose to teach them about being selfless and giving of their time, are we doing it? I can’t be a mother who constantly says, ” can you please stay off your phone so we can spend some quality time together.” Yet constantly stare at my phone texting, or looking at Facebook. As parents we demand respect, but are we living respectfully. If we are not, we will never raise kind, conscious honest, present beings no matter how perfect our rules and words are.
If you’re a mother that’s constantly gossiping, talks behind your friends, or strangers backs, is not happy for others success, never takes responsibility for their actions, you are more likely to have your own “mini-me”, or some serious dysfunction.
If your mother who is consistent in serving others, praying, speaking to your daughters with a kind voice, showing love to others, even when we don’t feel like they deserve our love, but need it, saying ” I’m sorry” and acknowledging mistakes. You will raise a peaceful soul, which I believe is our job should we choose to bring a child into the world.
It is not easy to raise girls in this day and age. Social media alone has created narcissistic, selfish people disconnected from reality. Even still, a Mother’s influence is far more powerful than the internet will ever be.
Our daughters deserve a fair chance a having a beautiful, humble earnest life. We are the conductors and they are the passengers. It’s that simple. Parent by example. Less words, more doing. They are watching every last move and listening to every single word. If you think they aren’t, your blinders are on.