How many times have you heard the saying,”we hurt the ones we love the most.” As sad as that is, I can say from my own experiences, it is very true. The bigger question is, why do we as human beings do this, and why do we think it’s somehow permissible ?
I think a big answer to part of this question is that we become too familiar. When we get too comfortable and safe with the people we are most intimate with, our husband, boyfriend, kids, parents, best friends, we can tend to lose our manners. We wouldn’t dare be so bold in the early days of those relationships,but why later ? Maybe we think we can behave less than, because their love is unconditional. Children at times will treat parents horribly and we as parents are just expected to love them without condition. At what price should we pay for such behavior? The inverse applies too. We as parents can be horribly unconscious with our children because we are in a position of power, still it is not healthy, and these behaviors leave their mark. What makes us so brazen with those we love most ?
Since contemplating this, I have especially noticed this dynamic between close friends. You may have a friend that consistently behaves poorly when things trigger her in the safety of her girlfriend circle. Somehow this becomes tolerated, and while feelings get hurt, nothing changes. “Familiarity breeds contempt.” This proverb nails it. Basically translated, extensive knowledge or close association with someone leads to a loss of respect for them or it. I don’t know about you, but I’m guilty of this at times in my family, and now that I am digging into this knowing, I am so not okay with it. I am better than that. We all are actually.
What happened to the saying “treat others the way you want to be treated.”? It is not wrong to expect to be treated with respect and care and to give the very same in return ? We all love the idea, and love saying that we love unconditionally, but that isn’t really a reality. There are always conditions to our behaviors. If we betray our spouse or best friend horribly there is a consequence to that choice, always. Maybe a little less familiarity and a little more gracefulness in the way we treat our closest ones, will create a lot less disharmony within and out. As human beings we crave consistency in order to feel safe and to love more deeply.
I am committed to living with a greater consciousness towards my most important people. Life is short and very beautiful when we show up as consistently kind and well mannered people, no exemptions. Sure we all have bad days and struggles, but it’s never appropriate to dump our upset on the ones we love and adore.
