I want to start out by asking you a question. How are you?
Do you ever find that when people ask you how you are, you naturally respond with, “I’m fine.” I’ve always wondered if the people that asked me how I was, really wanted to know the truthful answer. And if they did want to know, was I ready, to be honest, if my response wasn’t cheery? I promise this isn’t a post about poor me, or my life sucks, because, on the contrary, I feel incredibly blessed in this moment of my life. I also know that good fortune, like good health, or even good luck is fleeting. There are many that have it worse than we, as well as better, and it’s all interchangeable. Life is unforgiving in that way. What we do have is the present moment, so being honest in that moment is completely appropriate. I welcome it.
This has been a trying year for all of us on varying degrees.
At the beginning of the year, I felt very creative, despite everything going on around me. I was writing a lot. I had a steady flow of music pouring through me, that kept me grounded and connected to myself. Then one day, the creativity just wasn’t there. It just didn’t show up to meet me. I have been feeling this block for close to six months now. As a creative person, that thrives on this process, the struggle derails me. On a daily basis, I am trying to do everything I can to lift and clear my spirits by meditating, writing down what I’m thankful for, giving, getting out in nature, etc. Anything to get me back on track.
In my previous post, I spoke about contracting Covid in July. I lost my sense of smell as a result, and I still have not regained it. If you haven’t read that post, it will explain a little more about my journey with that. Regardless, I don’t have my smell back and there is something to be said about having your smell and how it is associated with memory.
Right before I lost my smell I started my little oily business. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a lover of health and wellness. I have used and benefitted from essential oils for years. I was also really excited about doing something meaningful, and creative outside of my music. Things obviously changed musically this year for me since I couldn’t travel or perform publicly. Oils were another way for me to be creative, as well as share what knowledge I had with people. As you can imagine it’s been a little difficult not having my smell and creating oil blends. Thankfully my husband and my kids help me along the way.
As the months have gone by, my lack of smell has weighed on me immensely. I had a lot of writing sessions at the beginning of the year, and then slowly they’ve diminished. I recently had a session after several months. I meditated prior and recited affirmations, setting intentions to support myself as best as possible. Yes, I felt at peace walking into my session, but the writer’s block is real. The ability to just come up with something and start writing wasn’t there. I left the session feeling flattened. Not only have I lost my sense of smell, but I have also lost my creative juice too. I have no idea when they will be returning, but I miss them horribly.
I decided that I couldn’t sit with my upset anymore, so just started to write. That means more blog posts, more journaling, and more affirmations.
We all go through ups and downs. We go through the struggles and tribulations of life; it’s what makes us human beings. I’m in my own struggle right now, steadily working through my emotions that are swiftly changing. Feelings of sadness, feelings of loneliness, then gratitude, then back again, accepting them all and allowing them all. One thing I will never do is let the darkness keep me in. No matter what feelings I am feeling, I can always find what I am thankful for, and I write it down. The tangible act of writing it out is crucial. So on I go, with all of my humanness. Carrying on, and trying my best to move higher.
So if you see me and I ask you how you are, please tell me straight…we could all use a reminder that being human isn’t fine. We are much more complex than that, and that is just fine with me.